growing my heart

I'm back! .... finally!

I'm finding myself a new woman this year and life is abuzz with possibilities.

Largest in my life and most wonderful is my new role as mother of two. It wasn't until I read this in print very recently that I embodied this truth more mindfully. "Hmm" I thought, "Yes, that's definitely me now." After just shy of five years as a Mamma of one I got used to being a certain way. There seemed to be a lot more struggle in that somehow. Not sure why. It just seems now that with my second little one that my motherhood is now not only in full swing with a beautiful baby to love and nurture again, but also that I, the mother am now more confident, more connected and more relaxed in this privileged place. Why did I put it off for so long?! I guess part of me wondered if I could really do it - spread myself evenly between two precious souls, ....share my heart with another! But it's amazing how my heart has grown! And with this big, open, gleamingly happy heart, I embrace my place in this world right now more than ever. For once in my life I feel really really SATISFIED!

It doesn't matter that my new baby's birth wasn't what I had hoped it would be. It doesn't matter that I'm a bit pudgy still. It doesn't matter to me that I'm not getting to all my jobs in a day. It doesn't matter that the bathroom is still old and the kitchen is falling apart (okay well yes that annoys me sometimes), but what has been whispering to me each day isn't the usual obsession about how things should be, rather it's a quietness breathing within me... simply being. I'm realising that life is really all good. There are so many opportunities every single day for me to simply be in the moment with my girls. To enjoy their absolutely blissful smiles. They both have dimples afterall! Little exclamation marks of cheer on their soft little cheeks. Makes you just want to kiss them all day!

One of the benefits of having waited all this time for our second is that our first big girl is now at school! I'm so proud of the person she is becoming. We've had our obstacles and some separation anxiety but she is surprising me in ways that make me smile every day. And as I watch her grow up so fast, I'm so glad to have a new baby in my life again. I really feel as if this little one wants me all to herself through the day, just like her big sister did for those early years.

So with this newfound centredness I feel very grateful and somehow much more open to life's opportunities to love.

New Life

I am in awe of life right now....
My heart is so open and absolutely bursting with love....


Here's why..........

Nesting before the Spring

I think most of you know I'm having our second baby very soon. It's a really wonderful time to be expecting the birth of our own child with the season of spring dawning just around the corner. And along with the gorgeous array of birds in our neck of the woods, we too are nesting!! Big time!

Nothing better than a new bubba to inspire some good old hard work and some pretty little projects too. I can't believe the energy I have mustered (in spirts) to finally get to those grubby fingerprints and smears on walls! Yes i've been cleaning the walls and skirting and windows and screens and washing and re-washing.... and on it goes.

And did you know this stuff is contagious??? Well my wonderful hubby has also been chirning out the projects and we're really starting to see some big changes around here. A new play room, a freshly painted guest room, new window dressings, even a new fence! Stuff we've been meaning to get to for so long has simply been done! It's great! I'm one happy Mamma!

Although I think after a month or two of this and I'm really running out of steam now. My little one and I were out in the garden today and I felt like I was trying to pull up the giant turnip as I attempted to stand up after some planting. Honest to goodness I feel like I'm carrying one of those really huge watermelons around with me everywhere. Having said that, it really doesn't take much to turn to the promise of Spring in our freshened up little garden and remind myself of the fruits of our labour soon to blossom! Can't wait!

And here is a photo of the first little gift for our bubba.... thanks again to the Silkwood craft group for the kit for this gorgeous spring mother bird with baby.

Homemade gifts

I just love making and giving these little Steiner inspired gifts to my little one's friends. There's a special joy in learning how from clever creative people (thank you Nikki, Mia, Dionne and team at Heart & Hands Craft Group at Silkwood).... and then getting creative at home and producing gifts for the special little people in our daughter's life. Not to mention how lovely it is to see the smiles on their faces when they know you've given something greater than another 'something' to play with. I really do think that despite the huge commercial pressures of media inspired "stuff" out there in consumer land, that children do sense the love in a homemade gift.

Singing Circle

This Friday night I am taking my tunes to a lovely new venue at Biggera Waters on the Gold Coast called Spiritual Soul.

It will be an evening of purely original live music, listening, joining in, sitting, being.... interspersed with moments of silence and awash with bliss. We open with meditation and allow the sound to overtake our bodies, hearts and minds in a beautiful uplifting vibration of oneness and peace!

If you'd like to be a part of our opening night.

Plans and schedules

Today I received a very well intentioned email from my sister about all the upcoming events our "big" family has on the agenda.... all the way into October!

I'm sorry, but I am so disgruntled I had to write a post in protest!

What is it with PLANS?!!

When I was a school teacher the one single thing I really didn't like was being pushed around by the BELL! My day was fragmented and boxed up into gridlines on a page telling me what I had to do and where I had to be at every moment.

When I became a mum, I threw all this out the window and seized my new life of spontaneous present moment living and demand feeding with both ...hands... and well...all of myself really.

I have to admit, I do look back on those early couple of years and wonder if more routine wasn't called for, particularly with regards to my little one's eating, waking and sleeping rhythm.

But rhythm is a separate issue entirely to filling one's calendar. Are you surrounded by people who fill their days, weeks and months? I can't keep up.

I know it's nice to have things to look forward to and to know when big events are coming up, but GEE, I like my spontaneity.... I love blank spaces on my calendar, just LOVE them!

In fact, I have a blank space on my calendar for this afternoon (until pick-up time), so I'm off to do whatever I fancy! Might go rest in the hammock and listen.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Essence

Last night we held another of our sacred women's circles.

It was a chance for us to explore a lovely story by Jane Ray called The Apple Pip Princess (Orchard Books). It is a story about three princesses in their pursuit to become the next monarch of an ailing kingdom by doing something special to please their father, the old king. One princess chooses to build a grand tower, from which she can almost reach the moon.... the second tries to better her sister's efforts by building a more beautiful tower from all the shining metal in the kingdom. The third princess, Serenity in all her feelings of inadequacy plants a tiny apple pip. Using contents from a magical box which she inherited from her queen mother, she day by day, took a special essence or elemental, earthy ingredient to add to her budding garden. In her quest to plant, dig and nourish the barren land, she is joined by all the folk from their tumbledown cottages and by the end of the seventh day, her father chooses her to rule the kingdom, for her tiny buds had magically been transformed into a blossoming sanctuary filled with trees and birdsong for the whole kingdom to share in and enjoy.

After our story we tuned in to ourselves and moved and stretched in some gentle yoga. With our focus on the life energy coursing through our bodies, we were able to visualise through meditation, an essence which fills and nourishes ourselves personally. For one it was the lightness of a feather, for another, the calm energy of the forest, another participant chose the nightingale's song, another the sunlit ocean with wind in her sails, and another, pink love-filled light.

Later we had an opportunity to talk about our chosen essence while we sculpted some clay into a vessel..... It was enlightening to explore through conversation with eachother, what was unfolding for us in the clay and in our attunement to ourselves and to eachother. This is what companioning through creative arts therapy is all about. It is the chance to grow our ability to be present in a way which we don't always ask of ourselves...... to learn more about ourselves..... through our creative expression and through the responses and experiences we share with eachother.

I'd like to share with you the song which came to me for this circle which we sang at our circle's closing last night.... enjoy.

Essence

There's a place inside my heart

Where glows a sacred light

Through my lens of love

It grows and fills my sight

Here understanding blossoms

Wisdom pools and overflows

My knowingness is openness

My struggle fades and goes

Essence of my nurture

My prayer is to be steeped

Infuse me with all that I need

To walk the path of Peace.

By Melissa Joss 9/1/10