Tuesday, March 8, 2011

growing my heart

I'm back! .... finally!

I'm finding myself a new woman this year and life is abuzz with possibilities.

Largest in my life and most wonderful is my new role as mother of two. It wasn't until I read this in print very recently that I embodied this truth more mindfully. "Hmm" I thought, "Yes, that's definitely me now." After just shy of five years as a Mamma of one I got used to being a certain way. There seemed to be a lot more struggle in that somehow. Not sure why. It just seems now that with my second little one that my motherhood is now not only in full swing with a beautiful baby to love and nurture again, but also that I, the mother am now more confident, more connected and more relaxed in this privileged place. Why did I put it off for so long?! I guess part of me wondered if I could really do it - spread myself evenly between two precious souls, ....share my heart with another! But it's amazing how my heart has grown! And with this big, open, gleamingly happy heart, I embrace my place in this world right now more than ever. For once in my life I feel really really SATISFIED!

It doesn't matter that my new baby's birth wasn't what I had hoped it would be. It doesn't matter that I'm a bit pudgy still. It doesn't matter to me that I'm not getting to all my jobs in a day. It doesn't matter that the bathroom is still old and the kitchen is falling apart (okay well yes that annoys me sometimes), but what has been whispering to me each day isn't the usual obsession about how things should be, rather it's a quietness breathing within me... simply being. I'm realising that life is really all good. There are so many opportunities every single day for me to simply be in the moment with my girls. To enjoy their absolutely blissful smiles. They both have dimples afterall! Little exclamation marks of cheer on their soft little cheeks. Makes you just want to kiss them all day!

One of the benefits of having waited all this time for our second is that our first big girl is now at school! I'm so proud of the person she is becoming. We've had our obstacles and some separation anxiety but she is surprising me in ways that make me smile every day. And as I watch her grow up so fast, I'm so glad to have a new baby in my life again. I really feel as if this little one wants me all to herself through the day, just like her big sister did for those early years.

So with this newfound centredness I feel very grateful and somehow much more open to life's opportunities to love.